Goodbye to my dad – Au revoir à mon papa

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So far, I haven’t really posted anything on here regarding my personal life… Not because I am overly protective of it but because I wanted to start by focusing on the vegan lifestyle, building the recipe section and developing the overall content.

Today however, after nearly 2 weeks of absence, I am writing what is probably the most personal post: a goodbye to my daddy, an expression of my grieving process. I lost him on May 19 and said my final goodbye to him 3 days ago, on Saturday. Why am I sharing this with you? Simply because my dad was my blog’s biggest fan and a very big part of who I am.

I am still speechless and I still struggle with the reality that my dad is no more… Such a vibrant man, a big presence in so many people’s lives, an amazing father. There are so many things I could write about my dad but it’s simply too difficult right now… Which is why I will simply write down the text I wrote for him and read at the funerals. A couple of things you need to know before you read that text in order to fully understand it was that my dad liked his things (car, house, etc) to be kept clean… To the point of telling us off when we touched the white walls in our house, which always made us chuckle and touch them even more! He also was a clown… All the way to the way he dressed and sometimes smiled with his dentures halfway out at the worst possible moment, making us burst out laughing. In fact, he would always find a way to make us laugh (or exasperate us when we were teenagers) and he would have wanted us to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. Whilst this is impossible for me not to mourn him, I tried to honour him by adding humour in my final letter to him. With the amazing support I get from my wonderful husband Andrew and my close family and friends, I hope to be able to, someday, think of him with more joy than sorrow. One day at a time.

This letter was written in French and some references are very “Québécoise”. For instance, “Toc” is a board game, the song “Gros Jambon” (translated as Big Ham and a silly comedy version of “Big Bad John”) is a ridiculous one people sometimes sing when someone does something very silly, which always resulted in a big laugh in our family.

Papa, 

As sang so well by your idol Elvis: “I’ll remember you, long after this…”. I will indeed remember you…

Every time I step in the ocean you loved so much, every time I see a Harley Davidson go by, through the guitar chords I am learning to play, every time I hear Elvis singing, when I will bake little cakes I know you would have loved, every time I will look into the eyes of my little sister, so similar to yours, every time my brothers will say something silly that would have made you proud…

Every time I will see someone in summer shorts with winter boots on, every time my big brother will swear when losing a game of “Toc”, every time someone will smile with dentures halfway out, when I will hear the song “Gros Jambon”, when I will see finger marks on my walls…

I’ll always remember you because you’re unforgettable and forever a part of the person I am. 

I will always be daddy’s girl, your Princess… And you, my King. 

Rest in peace daddy, I love you. 

I have added a few pictures at the bottom of this post…

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Jusqu’à maintenant, je n’ai rien publié à propos de ma vie personnelle… Non pas parce que j’en suis très protectrice, mais parce que je voulais d’abord me concentrer sur le mode de vie vegan, bâtir ma section recette et développer le contenu de façon générale.

Aujourd’hui par contre, après 2 semaines d’absence, j’écris ce qui est probablement la publication la plus personnelle: un au revoir à mon père, une expression de mon deuil. Mon papa est décédé le 19 mai dernier et je lui ai un dernier au revoir il y a 3 jours, samedi. Pourquoi est-ce que je partage ça avec vous?  Parce que mon père était l’un des plus grands fans de mon blogue et une très grande partie de qui je suis.

Je suis encore sans mot et j’ai encore de la difficulté avec la réalité que mon père n’est plus… Une personne si vivante, ayant une telle présence dans la vie de beaucoup et un merveilleux papa. Il y a plusieurs choses que je pourrais écrire concernant mon père, mais c’est simplement trop difficile présentement… C’est pourquoi je partagerai simplement le texte que j’ai écris pour lui et lu lors des funérailles. Il y a quelques petites choses que je dois mentionner à propos de mon père avant afin que vous compreniez bien le texte: il aimait garder ses choses propres (voiture, maison, etc), au point de nous avertir de ne pas toucher les murs blancs à la maison, ce qui vous faisait toujours rire et nous donnait encore plus envie de laisser des traces de doigts! Il était également un vrai clown… Même jusqu’à son habillement (parfois) et les sourires qu’il nous faisait avec ses dentiers sortis dans les pires moments, nous faisant toujours éclater de rire. En fait, il trouvait toujours la façon de nous faire rire (ou de nous embarrasser lors qu’on était adolescent) et je sais qu’il voudrait qu’on célèbre sa vie plutôt que de pleurer sa mort. Même si c’est impossible pour moi de ne pas avoir le coeur en mille morceaux, j’ai essayé de lui faire honneur en ajoutant un peu d’humour dans ma lettre. Avec le support que je reçois de mon extraordinaire mari Andrew et de la famille et amis proches, j’espère un jour être capable de penser à lui avec plus de joie que de tristesse. Un jour à la fois.

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A few pictures. / Quelques photos.

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2 Comments on “Goodbye to my dad – Au revoir à mon papa

  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’m tearing up reading your letter.

    He sounded like an amazing person and looks like you had a wonderful relationship with him. This blog post is a wonderful way to say goodbye and honor his memory. I hope you find comfort in all of your wonderful memories with him. (((hugs)))

    Like

  2. This is an absolutely beautiful tribute, Kate. His spirit will always live within you – as you say, il est inoubliable. Losing someone is not supposed to be easy, and when it’s as hard as this it’s because you all loved him so very much and he gave you so many wonderful memories. Take time for yourself now, take deep breaths, pause and just be.
    “Death is a heartache no one can heal and love is a memory no one can steal”

    Like

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